


Love, Can't Protect You Now

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, I Made Myself Cry, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad Ending, Self-Sacrifice, mountain climbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29866758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Eddie and Buck's nice day out takes a sudden and deadly turn.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 95





	Love, Can't Protect You Now

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 5 of Eddie Diaz Week. I saw the prompt and my brain screamed angst. Heed the tags and warnings, please!
> 
> Title comes from Run Baby Run by The Rigs.

It’s a nice day. The sun is out, but it’s not too hot. Still, Eddie can feel the beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead. “Stopping for a moment,” he calls down to Buck.

“Got it,” Buck calls back. 

Eddie carefully grabs his bottle of water from his backpack’s side pocket and takes a long pull. It’s a relief when the wet liquid slides down his throat, providing some much-needed hydration.

“Are we getting close?” Buck asks him.

“Seems like it,” Eddie says. “I can see the top. Should reach it maybe half an hour.”

“Thank god,” Buck mutters. “This is taking forever.”

“It was _your_ idea to come mountain climbing,” Eddie reminds him.

Though Eddie hadn’t been opposed to the idea. It’s been a while since he’s done anything this physically exerting outside of work. The burning in his muscles is welcome. At least for now. He might have different thoughts on that later.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it,” Buck teases.

Eddie looks off into the distance. There are trees below them and off to their right, the ocean. “It is a nice view.”

“It certainly is,” Buck says, tone changing.

Eddie glances down at him to see him smirking up at him. “Really?”

Buck shrugs, “I call it like I see it.”

Eddie opens his mouth to reply when suddenly the ground starts shaking. Or well, Eddie assumes the earth is shaking given the way the mountain they’re currently hanging off of shakes too. Above them, rocks are starting to fall, heading right towards them. 

“Rocks!” Eddie calls down to Buck. “Look out!”

“Not sure where we can hide, man,” Buck says. 

And that’s a good point. They’re stuck here hanging off the side of the mountain with nowhere to go. “Just shield your head as best you can.”

“I should be telling you that,” Buck calls back. “You’re the one who…oh.”

“What?” Eddie asks, straining his head to look at Buck. “What oh? I don’t like oh.”

“Nothing,” Buck says too quickly. “It’s nothing.”

“Buck?”

“The rope might have snapped a little,” Buck says. 

Eddie’s eyes widen, “What? What’s a little?”

“Just a bit,” Buck says. “Umm…”

Eddie shifts so he can look down at Buck. Sure enough, the rope between them has started to snap. “Shit.” 

This isn’t good. This is far from good, in fact. They’re in between the ground and the top of the cliff. If Buck were to fall… No. He can’t think that. Buck isn’t going to fall. They’ve been in tight spots before. They’re firefighters, for Christ’s sake. This isn’t the way either one of them are going out.

“Here,” Eddie says. He starts to lean down, reaching out with his hand. 

Buck’s eyes widen when the rope strains further, “No! Don’t move!”

“Buck, you just take my hand…”

“This part of the rope isn’t the only one breaking, Eddie,” Buck says. He nods his head further up. Sure enough, the rope towards the top is starting to come loose, most likely from the rocks. 

“That’s why you need to take my hand and hold on,” Eddie says.

Buck shakes his head, “There’s too much weight.”

Eddie frowns, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying we’re both not going to make it down,” Buck says. “That _I_ won’t.”

Eddie shakes his head, “What? No. That’s crazy.”

“It’s not,” Buck tells him. “Our combined weight is too much for the rope, Eddie. If I weren’t on it.”

“Stop. Stop saying that.”

“You know I’m right,” Buck mutters.

He is serious, Eddie realizes. He’s really considering letting himself fall. Eddie feels his panic rise.

“Please don’t do this,” Eddie begs. “Buck, I can’t lose you too.”

Buck’s eyes are sad as he looks at him, “I have to, Eddie. If I don’t, then we’re both going down, and I _won’t_ let you die.”

“We can figure this out,” Eddie tells him. “Wait for help.”

“There’s no time,” Buck says. Eddie knows he’s right. He knows it. Eddie’s already starting to slip further down, and if he loses his grip, then they’ll both be sent careening down. An illogical part of his mind doesn’t care. He’d rather go over with Buck than lose him. But… “Christopher needs you,” Buck says as if he knows exactly where Eddie’s mind was going. He probably does. Buck’s always known him too well.

“He needs you too,” Eddie says. “Please.”

Buck smiles sadly and closes his eyes. If only for a moment. When he opens them, there’s a new determination there. “I love that kid, and I would move the Earth for him.”

“I know.”

“And that’s why I’m going to make sure his Dad makes it home,” Buck says.

“Buck…”

“Eddie, _please_ ,” Buck says, his voice strained. Tears are streaming down his face, and Eddie just wishes he could reach him. That he could wipe them away and assure them both that it’s all going to turn out fine. “I’m scared as shit right now, and I’m trying to be strong for you. But…”

“I can’t tell you this is okay,” Eddie says. “Because it’s not.” Rocks tumble past them. Eddie has to jerk his head to avoid getting hit. The rope gives, slipping further down, and Eddie’s eyes widen. 

“We’re out of time,” Buck says. 

He shifts slightly, and Eddie sees the knife in his hands. No. No no no. “Buck...”

“Don’t you dare say goodbye,” Buck says. His hands shake slightly as he raises the knife to the rope. 

“Please,” Eddie whispers. “Buck I…”

“I know,” Buck says, giving him a sad smile. “I love you too.”

Then he’s slicing into the rope with his knife, even as Eddie cries out for him to stop. The rope snaps, and Eddie reaches out, trying to grab Buck, but it’s too late. Buck’s falling and falling, Eddie can only watch in horror as he goes until his body hits the ground below. Eddie screams. He screams until his throat is raw, and he can’t scream anymore. Then he cries, his eyes not leaving Buck. He hasn’t moved. He’s too still. No no no. This can’t be happening. This is just a bad dream. He’s going to wake up, and Buck is going to be there smiling at him. Alive and whole.

“Sir?” 

There’s a voice coming from above him, but Eddie doesn’t look away from Buck. “Sir, we need to get you up.”

“No,” Eddie says. “No, I need to go down. My… my partner is down there.”

“Your partner?” A beat of silence. “We need to get you off the rope, and then you can get down to him.”

“Call Bobby Nash at the 118 in Los Angeles,” Eddie says. “Tell him… Tell him Evan Buckley is hurt.”

More murmured words before the woman from before speaks louder. “We’ll call him, sir. But you need to come up.”

People are gathering around Buck now, touching him. Eddie wants to scream at them to stop. How dare they put their hands on him? Heads lift towards him, and one of the men there shakes his head. A sob leaves Eddie’s body, and his vision blurs as tears sting at his eyes. 

“Buck,” he whispers. “Buck, please.”

“Sir?”

Eddie takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself. He knows he needs to listen. He needs to do whatever it takes to get down to Buck. So he does. It takes more time than he’d like, and he hates having Buck out of his sight for even a moment. But it’s necessary.

A crowd has gathered by the time Eddie reaches the ground. He pushes through them, trying to get to Buck. He’s covered now with a white sheet. For a moment, Eddie can almost imagine that it’s someone else under there. That it’s not Buck. 

He sits heavily on his knees next to him and raises a shaking hand to the sheet. “Can I have a moment alone with him, please?”

There’s murmuring around him as people start to disperse. Soon, it’s just him and the body under the sheet. He still hasn’t let himself believe it’s Buck. Despite seeing him earlier. It’s easy to let himself believe that Buck’s someplace else. That he woke up and got carted away to have his wounds tended to while Eddie wasn’t looking. That it’s some other poor soul lying here.

Eddie could live in that reality, but he knows it wouldn’t be long before it was broken. He needs to face this, for himself and Christopher, whether he’s ready to or not. 

“You can do this,” he mutters to himself.

His hand grips the sheet, and he pulls it down. Whatever false bravado he’d put on leaves him the moment the sheet falls away, and he’s met with Buck’s face. His eyes are still open, staring straight ahead. But they’re cold. Lifeless. Like the rest of him. Eddie hates that he can see the fear in them, even now. He can only imagine what Buck must have been feeling as he fell. 

What was his last thought? Eddie wonders. Was it of Eddie? Christopher? Maddie? Of the life he’ll never get to live. 

Eddie reaches up and uses his fingers to close Buck’s eyes. Then he curls himself around Buck, resting his head on his chest, over the heart that was once so strong but’s no longer beating. “I’m so sorry,” Eddie whispers. “I’m so sorry, Evan.” His tears are soaking through Buck’s shirt now. If only for a few seconds, Eddie wishes this was like one of the Disney movies Christopher loves. That Eddie’s tears held some sort of power, and by merely loving Buck he could bring him back. That he’d feel Buck’s arms wrap around him and lift his head to see Buck’s blue eyes looking at him once again full of life.

But this isn’t a Disney movie. This is real life. And the reality is that life is full of pain and loss. People die that don’t deserve to, far before their time.

“I love you,” he murmurs. “So much. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. If anyone ever deserved to hear how loved they were...are… it’s you.” 

A hand rests on Eddie’s shoulder, warm and stable. “He knew, Eddie.”

Eddie sobs harder and clutches at Buck, “I can’t do this again.”

The hand moves but doesn’t leave his back. Eddie looks to his left to see Bobby kneeling there. He’s looking at Buck with tears in his eyes. And of course. Of course Bobby would be hurting just as much. Buck was like a son to him. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Bobby asks him.

“That I couldn’t save him,” Eddie says. “I couldn’t stop him. He just cut the rope and…”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Bobby says.

Eddie laughs brokenly, “How do you know? You weren’t here.”

“Because I know you,” Bobby says. “And I know Buck. I know you always do everything you can to keep him safe, and he’d do the same for you.”

That was true. Until the end. Eddie knew long ago that he’d give everything he has to keep Buck safe. Buck was the same way. But to be faced with the reality of that willingness to sacrifice themselves for each other is another thing altogether.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell Christopher,” Eddie says. “Or Maddie. God. How do I tell her that her brother’s gone?”

“It won’t be easy,” Bobby says. “But you don’t have to do it alone. Any of it.”

“I can’t,” Eddie says. “I can’t live without him. He was… I love him, Cap.”

“I know,” Bobby says, rubbing a soothing hand down his back. “I know you do. And he loves you.”

Eddie wishes that knowledge was enough to ease the ache on his chest. But it’s not. Because he knows. He’s known for a while that Buck loves him. He’d always been waiting for the right time to tell him. That’s why he’d agreed to come here on this trip in the first place. He’d had a plan to tell Buck once they’d reach the top. But that moment never came. Buck had fallen, lost to him forever. Now all Eddie is left with is what could have been and a love for an amazing, wonderful man that was taken from him far too soon.

In his dreams that night, Eddie meets Buck on the top of the mountain. He gets to see Buck smiling as the sun sets around them. He wraps his arms around Buck’s waist and rests his head on his shoulder, placing a soft kiss on his jaw as he whispers the words he should have said long ago. Words he’ll now only get to tell Buck in his dreams.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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